Family Culture in Taiwan: 親子關係 (Parents–Child Relationship) :Love or Pressure?

今天的主題有一點「一言難盡」，我覺得臺灣父母跟子女的關係，對啊，一言難盡。
Today’s topic is kind of “hard to put into words.” I think the relationship between Taiwanese parents and children is, yeah, really hard to describe.

🎧 In this Podcast episode, I talk about

- The important concept of 孝順 (filial piety) and how it can sometimes feel like pressure

-Taiwanese parents tend to be overly worried and protective

-What 孝親費 (filial allowance) means in Taiwanese culture

-The rise of 情緒勒索 (emotional blackmail) as a popular modern term in Taiwan

🎧 Podcast listen here

總結 Summary

我們都知道爸媽很愛我們，我們也很愛他們，但是在長大後這份愛變複雜了。
We all know our parents love us, and we love them too, but as we grow up, this love becomes complicated.

長大後我們的父母對我們有很多期望。他們好像也擔心很多事情，所以不斷給我們他們的意見、想法。然後常常他們對我們的人生選擇很難同理、接受。
When we grow up, our parents have lots of expectations of us. They also seem to worry about many things, so they constantly give us their opinions and ideas. And often, it’s hard for them to empathize with or accept our life choices.

所以有的時候我們跟父母很難溝通。長大後我們都在找一個彼此適合的溝通方式。是很多臺灣人的課題喔！
So sometimes it’s hard for us to communicate with our parents. As adults, we are all trying to find a way of communication that suits both sides. This is an issue for many Taiwanese people!

Have you heard this core concept “孝順 (xiào shùn) Filial Piety” ?

臺灣的親子之間的關係，在背後有一個很重要的核心觀念，就是孝順。雖然很傳統，但是孝順還是臺灣家庭的核心價值。
Behind the Taiwanese parent–child relationship, there is a very important core concept, which is filial piety (xiao shun). Although it’s very traditional, filial piety is still the core value in Taiwanese families.

那現在我們長大了，我們也在想：疑，孝順這件事是一定要做的嗎？
Now that we’ve grown up, we also wonder: Hmm, is filial piety something we absolutely have to follow?

因為孝順父母讓我們有一點痛苦。對，因為意思就是說你沒辦法去反駁你的父母嘛，或者是你到最後你還是要聽你父母的話。
Because being filial to our parents sometimes brings us pain. Right, because it means you can’t really argue with your parents, or in the end, you still have to listen to them.

例如父母希望你趕快結婚，找個好工作，生個小孩，不要讓他們擔心。這邊有個隱形的概念就是，如果長大了還讓他們擔心，那這個小孩不太孝順。
For example, parents may want you to get married quickly, find a good job, have kids, and not make them worry. There’s this hidden idea that if you still make them worry after growing up, then you’re not being filial.

所以我們長大之後，我們都在做一個平衡：我們希望能做到孝順，但是又希望同時做自己。但其實很難，對不對？所以我覺得亞洲小孩蠻辛苦的。
So after we grow up, we’re always trying to balance this: we want to be filial, but at the same time we want to be ourselves. But it’s actually very hard, right? That’s why I think Asian kids have it pretty tough.

孝親費 (xiào qīn fèi) Filial Piety Fee

最近有一個話題蠻流行的：「孝親費」。你們有沒有聽過？「孝」就是孝順，「親」就是父親、母親，「費」費用。
Recently there’s a popular topic: “xiao qin fei” (filial piety fee). Have you heard of it? “Xiao” means filial piety, “qin” means parents, and “fei” means fee.

「孝親費」就是子女長大後回敬給爸媽的錢，就是你開始賺錢了，那你可能要開始給爸媽孝親費，謝謝他們以前小時候養育你。
The “filial piety fee” is money given back to parents after children grow up. When you start earning money, you may need to start giving this fee to your parents as a way of thanking them for raising you.

「孝親費」可能是5千到1萬塊都有可能，就是一種謝謝爸媽的方式。那如果你跟爸媽還住在一起，那你給的孝親費可能就是差不多1萬塊吧。
This fee can be around 5,000 to 10,000 NT dollars—it’s a way of showing gratitude. If you still live with your parents, it’s usually about 10,000.

臺灣朋友的觀點 Taiwanese Friends’ Perspectives

其實我大概花了三個月的時間跟身邊的朋友做了小調查。
Actually, I spent about three months doing a small survey with my friends around me.

朋友提到兩個很有趣的點：
My friends mentioned two very interesting points:

第一，臺灣父母很習慣用自己的方式對小孩。自己認為他對的方式，他的愛，自己認為對的方式對小孩好。但這個方式可能不一定是小孩要的。小孩可能會變相更有壓力。
First, Taiwanese parents are used to treating their children in their own way. They think their way is the right way, and that their way of love is good for their children. But this way may not be what the child actually wants. It can actually bring more pressure to the child.

我朋友就提到他的例子：「我媽聽到我妹工作辭職，她就很操心，可是我妹就會壓力更大，看我媽在擔心她就會壓力更大。」
One of my friends gave an example: when my mom heard that my sister quit her job, she got very worried. But that made my sister even more stressed—seeing my mom worry made her stress even more.

另一個朋友就提到，他覺得臺灣親子關係就是彼此都用自己的方式去對對方。我覺得子女的父母都互相都是這樣，所以就有點溝通不良的感覺。
Another friend mentioned that he thinks the Taiwanese parent–child relationship is about both sides using their own way to deal with each other. I think both parents and children do this, so it leads to poor communication.

還有一個人說，他覺得父母對小孩子過度保護。他覺得整個亞洲文化都有點這樣。
Another person said he thinks whole Asian culture is a bit like this.

從老一輩到下一輩，就很保護，環境要很保護，什麼東西都要他們先弄好。可是可能國外的家長不會管小孩那麼多。
From the older generation to the younger generation, it’s all about protection—the environment must be safe, everything must be prepared in advance. But maybe parents abroad don’t control their kids as much.

有一點就是長大之後，你可能也要回饋給父母，孝順父母。好的話就是可能比較安全什麼的。可能臺灣父母對小孩保護比較過度的話，可能就是也沒有很獨立，沒有像西方這麼怎麼獨立的思考的能力啊，等等的。
And another thing is, when you grow up, you may need to give back to parents—to be filial. On the good side, this makes life feel safer. But if Taiwanese parents are too overprotective, the result might be that kids are not very independent, not able to think as independently as in the West, and so on.

再來很有趣的一點，另一個朋友說，臺灣父母對小孩的成功的定義比較侷限。覺得你要賺大錢，讀好大學，就是你才算是成功。
Another interesting point a friend made is that Taiwanese parents have a limited definition of success. They think you have to earn a lot of money, go to a good university—then you are considered successful.

❤️

臺灣的親子關係，真的是一言難盡。
The parent–child relationship in Taiwan is truly hard to put into words.

父母因為愛我們，常常過度擔心，然後變成我們無形的壓力

Parents love us, but it often turns into over-worry, which becomes an invisible pressure on us.

我們子女常常在「孝順」與「做自己」之間不斷掙扎。
we children struggle to balance filial piety with being true to themselves.

是一門藝術

It’s an art.

但愛其實就是一種藝術，對不對?

But love is an art, right? :)

希望這集Podcast 的對你們的中文聽力、了解臺灣文化有幫助

I hope this podcast episode helps you with your Chinese listening and understanding of Taiwanese culture.

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